Sunday, April 26, 2009

Domine non sum dignus

All is still. I am the only one in the whole building and I am in the presence of Christ exposed in the Blessed Sacrament. It is Holy Hour in our Adoration Chapel. My partner for the hour came early and left early, leaving me alone with Jesus for the last quarter of an hour.

All the rustling and rushing about that was my day is long forgotten. All hour, my tongue could not utter words. My brain was empty, exhaustion from a long day teaching rendered me mute, at least in my mind, I had no words.

I stared at Christ, occasionally hearing myself breathing in and out. Tears would pool in my eyes. I made no attempt to clear them away, letting them fall silently down my cheeks. Somehow, my spirit was communicating something deeper than even I could understand.

Then a fragment came to mind, "Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity". It hit me with such force, such realization beyond words could express. I beat my chest with my fist: Domine non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum: sed tantum dic verbo et sanabitur anima mea.

I am so unworthy that I should even be under the same roof as My Lord and My God veiled in the Blessed Sacrament. What could I do but fall on my face prostrate before the the throne.

The many intentions of friends and family flooded through my head at that moment as if in an instant all those prayer requests were wordlessly communicated. Ah, the Holy Ghost groans and I am an instrument.

How inscrutable are your works, O Lord. How innumerable are your blessings! That you would come to me hidden in such a form as bread.

I am sobbing, pierced with a love so deep. For one brief moment, I am transported outside of myself. The hour is no longer an hour. Heaven lights my inner eye with a fraction of the weight of glory.

Have you spent time with Jesus lately? Consider a holy hour. Time wasted for God's sake.

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