Thursday, November 06, 2008

Poncho lady expecting redux

It's been three days since I first read this story and it still has the power to nauseate me.

"I'm feeling very ripe," says Rowley. [how lady-like, how gentile...NOT!]

One thing I want to know, besides the dissident view toward Holy Orders (aren't we tired of the 60s and 70s yet?), is why these priestesses uniformly pick UGLY vestments.

I mean, if I were to suddenly lose my mind and decide that God is indeed calling me to the priesthood, keeping in mind my love for Church patrimony (indeed, sexist of me), I would choose stunning vestments. Fiddleback chasubles with gold threads trimmed with jewels. Or Gothic chasuble with silk brocade and orphreys rich with baroque designs. Surplices with fine Belgian lace with gorgeous medallions representing sacred symbols. Maniple!!! Hey, I love handbags, what woman priest wouldn't love maniples? And baby, who would be able to resist birettas? That's a hat.

And if God were so obliging as to see that I certainly deserve to be a Bishopess, I would choose a mitre with freshwater pearls and diamonds all over and a crozier with a provenance...I'll take that one that's on display now at the Dominican House of Studies. This is a sorry excuse for a mitre and a total disgrace to the grace of womanhood:

Give me this instead:

And hey, I would gladly wear a cappa magna, think, a looooong purple cappa with train! I happen to look good in purple, if I say so myself.

The sobriquet of "poncho lady" grew out of this aesthetically disturbing tendency among priestesses. Let me demonstrate. Here is Ms. Rowley (gotta make sure I'm using the PC title...Mzzzzzzzzz, okay, I'll play, irReverenda Rowley) in her glorious ripeness (Deo volente, she will have a safe childbirth and the baby will be healthy and live a long life, I mean that.):

I was a child in the 70s and had to endure a set of bed linens similar to above fabric. It was ugly then, it's ugly now. And it's surprising how expensive these things can be.

In contrast (it's good to see the full range of things, very enlightening), from Dappled Things, we have:

Don't give me that lame line about how these ugly vestments represent humility and solidarity with the poor of the world. Ugly does not equate humility. Why? Because the fact that one is passing oneself off as a priest, contrary to Church teaching, shows the hubris inherent in said priestess. She, of her own magisterial power (cheered on by a merry band of dissenters) declares that she is indeed a priest because she says so.

Furthermore, how come they don't spend years and years in seminary? I mean, wouldn't they want to have some kind of priestly formation house "Women Priest House of Studies" to rival, say, St. John Vianney or the Greg or PNAC? Seriously, I would want to immerse myself in philosophy and the whole spectrum of theology, ecclesiology (erm, somewhat emended to fit my worldview of women's ordination). Gosh, imagine taking liturgy classes to learn the Tridentine Rite, or Gregorian Rite. Who wouldn't want to go study at a place that looks like this?

Hey, it doesn't have to be in Rome (but can you imagine a more in-your-face thing to have it in Roma?). If I truly believed in my emended ecclesiology, a house of studies near Stonehenge would suffice.

Instead, women's ordination proponents rent some sleazy boat and perform the minimalist rite and bingo! Priestess.

~pillbox hat tip (because I think they're stylish) to Mac (who is so much more avant-garde and with-it than I)


DimBulb said...

Hi Argent,

I've discovered the reason why they don't spend years in seminary. Most of their schooling is taken up at the Minnie Pearl Institute of Fashion Design where they learn to design and make garments that are both liturgical and functional. Take the priestette's miter pictured above: during a pot luck liturgy dinner held to raise money for some charitable cause (such as Catholics For a Free Choice), it can serve double duty as both a phony bishop's hat, and as an oven mitt/potholder.

Anonymous said...

ROFL, Penny! I haven't come by here in a while, and I see I've been missing some fun.

Kudos to your pic of the Augustinian Canons in ornate Roman vestments -- those two upstanding fellows are my dear friends Dom Elias and Dom Clemens. :-)