Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Airway to Heaven

~from The Curt Jester musing on the type of service a flyer might find on Vatican Air
  • They have no schedules and will only tell you "Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last."
  • When boarding you always have to enter through the "Narrow gate."
  • Everybody gets the same seating arrangement because with Vatican Air there are no Jews, Greeks, Male, Female, Business Class, Economy, or First Class.
  • They use nuns as stewardesses and will rap your knuckles if you forget to say grace before eating your package of peanuts.
  • After the nuns demonstrate how to exit the aircraft and how to use the oxygen masks, they demonstrate how to pray the Rosary available in the compartment on the back of each seat. They also tell the passengers "The Parable of the Unjust Stewardess."
  • You never have to worry about the pilot being raptured because Catholics don't fall for that fairly recent teleological innovation.
  • Flight insurance includes a fund that will pay stipends to a monastery of your choice that will have Masses said for you in case of a fatal accident.
  • There is always a priest onboard trained to quickly give general absolutions in case of an in flight emergency. Otherwise passengers may use the in flight confessionals. When using the in flight confessional make sure you slide the sign to occupied.
  • You get to offer up turbulence and airline food.
  • Not only is the seat a flotation device but it can also be used as a kneeler.
  • Dominicans, Franciscans, Carmelites and males from some other orders are eligible for Frequent Friar Miles.
  • If Vatican Air loses your luggage St. Anthony is immediately invoked.
  • You never have to worry that your aircrew includes Pontius Pilot.
  • Connecting flights are made with Holy Virgin airlines.
Visit The Curt Jester to see a picture of the pilot.

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